"Well, one particular day not so long ago, the dog did a Number Two by the edge of the road as ever. Out popped the plastic bag - this time from Free Record Shop and clearly labelled thus.
There was no bin nearby so off they went - the dog weighing a little bit less and the Free Record Shop bag weighing a substantial amount more.
Next thing, two youths from the same ethnic group as the one that trashed Lenny’s window whizzed past Laura, snatched the bag on the way and carried on running like fuck.
One can only imagine the look on the faces of the little sods when they finally stopped to check out their ill-gotten gains. Which consisted of not one but two medium-sized, still wet and very, very smelly lumps of steaming dogshit. One each, in fact".
Revealed: Baroness Scotland’s Bumper Contracts for Aides
27 minutes ago