Today at 2 o'clock I will be receiving a prize. Like Muttley I hanker after medals.
The competition of which I am a winner (trumpets, red carpets etc.) was organised by the European Parliament's Library service and was open to al those with a Parliament email address, it was on EU History.
Anorak that I am, I am one a small number who will be collecting, no doubt embossed, books about how frightfully spiffing the EU has been for the past 50 years.
I am of course preparing an acceptance speech.
"Grafs, Viscounts, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, elected representatives and members of the Eurocracy. I am honoured to be here today to collect this glittering prize.
I must of course begin my peroration by thanking those, without whom I would not be here today.
Honey, my darling wife, who despite disapproving of virtually everything that I believe in is a tower of strength and fount of perfect foil. My children, (dabs eyes with large silk 'God Save the Queen' kerchief) who fill me with joy and loathing in equal measure. My parents who dragged me through countless ditches and hedges to look at every small bell, round and long barrow in Dorset - not to mention churches, manor houses and museums. Radical Jack Wilkes, Sydney Smith, Hone, Cobden, Cobbett, Bright, Smith and Hume and all those who forged my country into the place it once was. Those countless others who have died that I might live free.
Of course you, if it wasn't for all you, who drive forward this project, this scheme of anti-democratic, pettifogging and tawdry centralising power play, I wouldn't be here at all but would be engaging in some other work. Work that contributed to the commonweal, that created wealth rather than dissipated it.
You I thank most of all.
Gosh, I am quite overcome.
Worse whilst I was preparing this speech I received another email, begging me to turn up to the ceremony. "Reminder - your prize awaits you - Library EU History Pages Quiz".
I can hardly wait.