Farage lets fly on the credit crisis

This is from the European Parliament debate last week. So it is a little out of date given the speed of movement, but at the time it was within the zone.

Here is a rather fun letter sent out by Shane Frith of Progressive Vision yesterday,

Memo to customers of State banks

Royal Bank of Scotland
Lloyds TSB
Halifax
Bank of
Scotland

Now that Labour’s manifesto pledge of 1983 has been enacted, a number of important changes will start to take place in the coming weeks. To ensure a smooth transition, managers from the NHS and Post Office will take key positions in these banks. To facilitate the banks for absorption into the state sector, the following changes will take place:

1. Banking will become free – no bank charges
2. You can access your money at any time, with 30 days notice
3. To save expense all staff training in civility and politeness will cease
4. There are too many bank branches – these will restricted to one per 500,000 people
5. To ensure some branches are not overwhelmed, citizens will be assigned a branch
6. You can only change a branch when you move house
7. To prevent online bank fraud, online access to your account will end
8. If you purchase banking services outside of the free state service, you will have your state account cancelled
9. Mortgages will be issued according to need – we are currently designing the form and expect to have it available by December 2011
10. Your personal data is not important to us as we tend to lose it from time to time.

I hope that your understanding of these changes will make your integration into the state system smooth, as we don’t want you to be a bother to the civil servants.

Yours truly,


Sir Humphrey Appleby, GCB, KBE , MVO, MA (Oxon)
State Bank Commissar
Whitehall SW1