It’s high time that New Labour shed its reputation of being so
indulgent towards all these airy-fairy civil liberties. That’s why I’ve come up
with a 3-point emergency plan to integrate ethnic minorities into the
mainstream. I hope that New Labour implements it pronto.
1. All children must be given names like Clive, Steve and Dave. I
don’t care what their gender is.
2. The national dress must be worn at all
times, including t-shirt, jeans and trainers. At least one item must be from
Topman or BHS.
3. Nothing promotes difference more than all this curry house
and Chinese takeaway shenanigans. They must be scrapped with immediate effect.
Steak and chips is the national dish. Understood?Now don't get me wrong, I'm not
singling out ethnic minorities here. Signs of difference and separation are
frankly endemic throughout our society. Let's ban it all. Goths, men with long
hair, kilts, Meatloaf fans, people who put 'Jedi' down as their official
religion on the national census, Pingu impersonators, gherkins (they're not
right), people who wear shorts in cold weather, former Home Secretaries who
continue to name themselves after 14th century peasant rebels who suffered at
the hands of repressive laws without seeing the irony, telephone boxes, and
dungarees. In fact, dungarees are a clear barrier to communication. I challenge
anyone to have a conversation with someone wearing dungarees while keeping a
straight face.Before you know it, we’ll all be eating Big Macs and supporting
Couldn't agree more